


Being Good Enough isn't Good Enough

by Justthefbismostunwanted



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Backstory, Canon Compliant, Depressed Oikawa Tooru, Depression, Eating Disorders, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Gay Oikawa Tooru, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Iwaizumi Hajime is a Good Friend, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Pre-Canon, Rating May Change, Sad Oikawa Tooru, Self-Harm, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:54:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24124723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justthefbismostunwanted/pseuds/Justthefbismostunwanted
Summary: Oikawa knew from a young age that he didn't fit. Not in his family, not in the world. As the years go by, he struggles to be enough.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 3
Kudos: 79





	Being Good Enough isn't Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Head's up I literally wrote this in one shot while working a 12 hour backshift. It's my first fic in nearly a decade and my first for Haikyuu. Please be gentle.
> 
> Mind the tags, don't read if any of the things listed trigger you.

People always wondered why there were 13 years between Oikawa Tooru and his older sister, Oikawa Tomoko. The truth was Oikawa Tooru wasn't actually an Oikawa.

Suzuki Mayumi was 20 in 1980 when she married Oikawa Makoto. At 21 they welcomed a baby girl they named Tomoko. Unfortunately 7 years later, Oikawa Makoto died in a car accident.

In the fall of 1993, Oikawa Mayumi went to a bar with her friends, where Mayumi met a handsome man, and they spent the night together. She slipped out in the morning, embarrassed to have gone home with someone whose name she couldn't remember.

Six weeks later Oikawa Mayumi discovered she was pregnant. At first Mayumi was unsure what to do, did she really want another child? How would she tell Tomoko about this, how would she react? To find out her mother was expecting a child by a man she didn't know? Mayumi seriously considered ending the pregnancy. However at that first doctor's appointment, when it came time for the ultrasound and she heard that little heartbeat, she knew she couldn't do that. She looked at the little blob on the ultrasound screen and knew, this baby would be something special. The person this baby would become would be extraordinary.

Thankfully Tomoko, now 13, didn't ask any questions when her mother announced that Tomoko was going to be a big sister. Months later, after over 24 hours in labor Mayumi heard the words she'd secretly been hoping for since she'd decided to keep this baby.

"Congratulations, it's a boy!"

On July 20th 1994 Oikawa Mayumi gave birth to a son she named Oikawa Tooru. She knew someday she'd have to explain to him how it was that the man whose name he bore died 6 years before he was born. That was a problem for another day. For now, as she cradled her newborn son in her arms, she whispered to him how special he was, told him that he was going to be extraordinary.

She wasn't expecting to have to explain everything to him a mere 5 years later. She explained to him as best she could that she didn't know who his father was, but that they were still a family. Tomoko still his sister. That he was an Oikawa, because they were Oikawas, despite that he shared no DNA with the man in the family pictures from all those years before.

Shortly after that incident, Mayumi made the decision that she and her children would move from their home in Tokyo to somewhere quieter. Somewhere where no one knew that Tooru was illigitament. She chose Miagyi. She found a small house she could afford, and how lucky was it that the couple next door, the Iwaizumi's, had a little boy named Hajime who was the same age as Tooru.

Tooru and Hajime became fast friends. They started at the same school, and both developed an interest in Volleyball. They played together every chance they had, they were joined at the hip. A bit of an odd pair, some people said, Oikawa was loud and emotional, as opposed to Iwaizumi who was much more the quiet, calm type. It worked for the two of them though, Oikawa kept life interesting for Iwaizumi, and Oikawa was kept grounded by his Iwa-Chan.

When they were 10, laying in the dark in the early hours of the morning during one of their sleepovers, Oikawa told Iwaizumi,

"I wasn't supposed to be born."

Iwaizumi was obviously confused. Oikawa explained how he didn't have the same father as Tomoko, how even his mother didn't know who his father was. That he was an accident. Iwaizumi argued that despite that, Oikawa was obviously supposed to be born, otherwise who would be his best friend? And Oikawa smiled. He may have felt out of place at home, but he always felt like he belonged when he was with Iwaizumi.

Home was hard for Oikawa, especially after Tomoko moved out when he was 7. His mother was always putting so much pressure on him, even though he knew she didn't mean to. He got good grades naturally, but whenever he came home with one that wasn't perfect his mother asked him why. Told him he was such a smart boy, he could be extraordinary if he just tried, there was no reason for him not to be top of his class. So harder he worked. Soon the feeling of needing to be the best stopped coming from his mother, and started to come from inside him. He had to have the best grades, be the best at volleyball. He needed to be extraordinary.

Puberty came and Oikawa grew, and his mother loved to show him off to her friends. Look how tall her boy was, so fit and strong. This all seemed like so much for 14 year old Oikawa. Then in his final year of middle school, Kagayama came along. Suddenly Oikawa had competition, and he couldn't stand it. He worked so hard, how was it this boy two years younger than him could walk in there almost as good as Oikawa himself? He hated Kagayama. All his frustration came to a head that fateful day in the gymnasium when he almost punched Kagayama, thankfully Iwaizumi was there to stop him.

But that was the first crack in Oikawa's facade. The first time he couldn't fake the smile anymore. The first sign of what would become years of problems.

**Author's Note:**

> So please leave kudos/comments if you want to see more of this. This is just an idea that's been floating around in my head for weeks, starting with my little headcannon that Oikawa is illigitament and doesn't know who is dad is, and my night shift brain decided to spit it out and post it. I welcome constructive criticism.


End file.
